Writing for College
Revised Writing

Post revised writing here and receive extra credit!:) Make a new entry in the weblog, post your original paper, skip two spaces, and post your revised draft.

Posted by Ray at 2005/07/28 03:13:39 PDT
Extra Credit Like A Boss

I hope you have as much fun as I did when I revised it. I wan't to dedicate this to my hero Joseph Williams, who has changed my life forever with his books on writting, thankyou.

Success is being able to achieve what you want. In Arthur Miller’s “Death of a Salesman,” Biff Lowman is the only character in the play that turned out to be successful. Biff is the only one who can see the truth and reality of things and accept them. He is also the only one who really chases his dreams. Another reason that Biff is successful is because he knows who he is.
Out of all the characters in the play Biff was the only one who could see the reality of things. Everyone else had a false sense of reality and could not see the truth. Happy kept making things seem better than they actually were and believing that everything was fine with his life when deep down inside this was not true. Willy kept on reminiscing about the past and trying to fulfill his dreams of becoming a great salesmen when that was not what he really loved to do. Biff on the other hand is comfortable with the fact that he is just an average man, something that his father was never able to accept. Biff shows that he accepts the truth when he says, “I am no a leader of men, Willy, and neither are you. You were never anything but a hard-working drummer who landed in the ash can like the rest of them!”
Biff is also the only character in the play that is successful because he chases his real dreams and what he enjoys doing in life. Although Willy chased his dream of becoming a great salesman, his true love was working with his hands in the garden or building something. Biff knew that the life of a salesman was not his own dream, but his father’s dream for him. All Biff really wanted was to be able to work with his hands and enjoy the simple things in life. Towards the end of the story Biff realizes this and stops trying to please his father, something that he was never really able to do, and he pursued his own dreams of working on a ranch. By doing this he also accomplished what his father always wanted, which was being able to work with his hands. Biff shows that he is going to peruse his own dreams when he says, “I saw the things that I love in this world. The work and the food and the time to sit and smoke. And I looked at the pen and said to myself, what the hell am I grabbing this for? Why am I trying to become something I don’t want to be?”
Another reason that Biff is successful is because he is the only one who knows who he is in life. Biff accepts the fact that he is just an average hard-working man, and doesn’t try to be something that he is not. Biff knew that he was happiest when he was on a ranch working with his hands. Biff realized that everything he was doing was out of spite and that was why he was trying to be salesman, but in the end he lets go of all of it and stops trying to fulfill his father’s expectations. Biff tells his father that he knows who he is when he says, “What am I doing in an office, making a contemptuous, begging fool of myself, when all I want is out there, waiting for me the minute I say I know who I am!”
In “Death of a Salesman,” Biff was the only character that had success in the end. He was different from the other because he could see the reality of things and accept them for the way they are. Biff was also the only one who chased his real dreams and ended up doing what he loved. And most important of all Biff Lowman knew who he was in life. This is why Biff was the only one was able to achieve success.


Posted by franberry at 2005/07/18 12:35:23 PDT
revised (intro only)

I don't feel comfortable posting a bad essay that needs further revising. =/ sorry guys.

revised:
In James Joyce’s “Eveline,” Eveline has the opportunity to elope with a man who can save her from her miserable life and abusive father. She must make a choice between the bitter familiar and promising unknown. Eveline lives with her father in the small, run down town where she grows up. Her mother and favorite brother, Ernest are dead. Harry, her other brother has moved away, leaving Eveline with her father. She fears that her father will begin to beat her, like he beat her mother. Eveline attempts to rationally weigh the pros and cons of each scenario. The sensible choice for her at this point would be to leave and begin a better life in Buenos Ayres. However, Eveline’s turbulent emotions and indecisiveness cause the story to travel circles. Her turbulent emotions, set off by her fear of the unknown, ultimately prevents Eveline from distinguishing the rational from the irrational, thus causing her to make a hasty, rash decision.


Posted by chumbucket at 2005/07/14 22:16:35 PDT
essay

Liberate my Dog!

Animals are being treated badly, slaughtered by the masses for food, and forced to suffer each year. Most of the American people do not realise that their taxes pay for the torture of innocent animals and only hear that animals are being tested to advance medical technology to benefit our society. They do not see past this thin curtain, where millions of animals are shipped to scientific laboratories to be physically, mentally, and sexually abused over and over again.
Peter Singer, the author of Animal Liberation, has many good ideas on how we can stop animal mistreatment. For example, we can become vegetarians to protest against animal abuse. Or, we can always educate others in the “factory farming” industry, so that more people know about this animal maltreatment. However, many of the ways he tries to demonstrate his points are somewhat radical. Because of this, his arguments can lead to many misunderstandings between protesters, the government, and scientists, and may then lead to political fights. To solve this issue, we should be able to somehow persuade the animal “users” to give the animals more of a life, but in a much softer way, without pushing it in their faces; besides, happy animals make much better meals. And, if we must protest, we must protest against animal mistreatment peacefully in the right places, not just in random places with pictures of cows or pigs on a sign in the middle of the road.
Animals should not be put under any kind of pressure unless humans are also experiencing their share of stress; e.g. tortured, force-fed, electrocuted, etc. Animals and humans have basically the same physical features inside their bodies, and they both have an interest not to be tortured, killed, eaten, or stressed out in any way. If one species’ interests are not respected, then all other species’ interests must also be disrespected to the same degree, and of course, if we treat other animals with respect, we should treat our own kind with respect as well. If harmful substances are tested on animals, why not humans? After all, we will get more accurate results if we use human subjects, and we will not need to extrapolate the results from animals to accommodate human needs. If humans have freedom, why don’t animals? We leash our dogs and keep our cats in close proximity, while we run loose on Earth. If we leash and muzzle our “pets,” then why not humans? After all, most humans are more dangerous than animals when they have guns.
However, vegetarianism is not always the best way to stop animal abuse. In fact, we should be able to kill for food because other animals do it to each other too; are we humans not just another species of animals ourselves? Of course there is the excuse that everyone leans on: meat is very tasty. In fact, meat has vitamin B12, which is vital to our health because it helps in the synthesis of red blood cells, maintenance of the nervous system, and development and growth in children.
Moreover, animal rights protests are ridiculous in some situations. For example, there was a butcher on the street selling his chickens and pigs, butchering them on the spot. A group of Animal Rights people protested that the meat he sold was unclean, and so he should stop selling the meat. The butcher decided to give the livestock a quick shower under a hose before killing it, so that the animal would be cleaner. The very same Animal Rights protesters came back and complained about how the butcher did not respect the animal when he slaughtered the stock. Obviously, these people did not really want to fight for animal rights, and they even seemed jealous that this butcher had such a good business in comparison to themselves. This is where my own protests come in. I believe Peter Singer may not really know what his protesters are doing at times, and must make sure his followers are not misled by accident.
Although vegetarianism may not be the best way to end animal cruelty, we should still persuade the animal abusers to give the animals a better, more natural place to stay, because when the animals are happier, they are healthier in body and soul, and this contributes to our health also. If we must protest, we should protest against animal mistreatment in the most peaceful fashion, in the correct locations, not just random places, and we definitely should make sure our protests are logical. Finally, animals should not be put under a huge amount of stress unless humans willing to do the same to their own kind; they should not be tortured, force-fed, electrocuted, or anything that contradicts their interests in not suffering.

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